9 indulgent Cyber Monday deals to irresponsibly impulse purchase
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This is it. This is it. We are nearing the end year’s biggest shopping holiday. We’ve spend the past five days or so rounding up the biggest discounts on stuff like TVs, computers, power tools, audio, and tons of other useful things. This is not the purpose of this article. This article is about luxury.
These items require high spending limits and a constant desire for luxury. Grab a can of 4Loko Original (the rarest kind before they had the caffeine removed), and sit down in your chair that looks like an egg. Then, take a look at these Cyber Monday deals.
Kanlanth 1 to 2 Person Infrared Sauna, Hemlock Wood Low EMF FAR Infrared Sauna $1,799 (was $2,199)
Have your ever dreamed of being able to sweat out all the Dorito preservatives and negative thoughts? This free-standing hemlock infrared sauna has 1,350 watts worth of heaters inside that can push the temperature up to 149 degrees. It will produce a perfect sweat that will leave you glowing like a tube of cranberry sauce fresh out of the can.
Massage Chair Full Body Recliner – Zero Gravity with Heat and Shiatsu Massage $1,424 (was $1,899)
It looks like an escape pod from the future spaceship, but this zero gravity massage chair remains put while it wrecks your delts. It has eight fixed massage points and 20 moving massage balls that apply ample pressure to smush even the most John Cena-like muscles.
BODEGA Wine Cooler Refrigerator 24 Inch, 154 Bottles Wine Refrigerator Dual Zone, Large Capacity Freestanding Wine Fridge $1,699 (was $2,209)
You could buy a few bottles of wine to keep in your fridge and then buy more. Or, you could get this 24-inch wide fridge that can keep up to 154 bottles at a perfect temperature between 40-55 degrees. This fridge can hold more bottles than most bodegas.
120” Class The Premiere LSP7T 4K Smart Laser Projector $2,499 (was $3,499)
Imagine the following scene: You invite your friends to watch Star Wars .. “We’ve seen Star Wars 100 times already, man. You are confused by their choice of movie, but you are excited to respond, “We’re going Star Wars with a laser projector.” Lasers!” Samsung’s high-end projector creates a 120-inch image on a wall or screen that’s bright enough to battle ambient light. It’s better than going on a trip to the movies.
Meze Audio Empyrean Open-back Isodynamic hybrid planar magnetic headphones $2,339 (was $2,999)
I don’t know Phil Collins personally, but these headphones are what I imagine he would wear to get lost in the music. He would lie down in the massage chair he had gotten earlier and let the planar magnetic drivers show off their incredible clarity and untouchable dynamic range. They are also open-backed, creating a soundstage that makes Doja Cat feel like he is right there with them.
Roborock S7 MaxV Ultra Robot Vacuum and Mop, Auto Mop Washing with Empty Wash Fill Dock $1,059 (was $1,399)
Robot vacuums can be more complicated than you might think. They need to be cleaned and emptied of their bins. Roborock’s high-end vacuum handles mopping and vacuuming duties across more than 3,000 square feet on a single charge. It is equipped with an AI-powered obstacle avoidance technology, so it won’t run over a phone cable or make a mess if your pet puma (a pet I imagine wealthy people have) has an accident.
Inflatable HQ Commercial Grade Bouncing Castle Kingdom Bounce House 100% PVC with Blower and Slide $1,304 (was $1,499)
Did you know that you could purchase a complete-fledged bouncehouse? You could place it in your backyard and bounce around in it all day, while still wearing your shoes. There is no stopping you. Imagine how excited the child version of yourself would be.
Casper Sleep Wave Hybrid Mattress $2,171 (was $2,895)
Springs or foam are fine. But this mattress is filled by gel pods that support your spine. This mattress will be great for you if your posture is similar to Mr. Burns or shrimp after sitting down for 9 straight days trying to sell Black Friday deals.
Steelcase Gesture Office Chair – Cogent: Connect Graphite Fabric, Shell Back, Light on Light Frame, Polished Aluminum Base $863 (was $1,321)
What can you tell me about the computer chair? I can’t tell much about mine. It smells strange (not bad, just weird), and if your hand hits the padding with your other hand, an orange dust will come out. The Steelcase chair, on the other hand, has many specs that you can rattle off. The chair has a shell back for additional support and a polished aluminum foundation for durability. The fabric color graphite even has a cool name. My chair color is “the itchy wool suit that I wore to my first Communion.”
I’m a journalist who specializes in investigative reporting and writing. I have written for the New York Times and other publications.